We recently bought a minivan. Yes, a minivan! It's something I said I would NEVER do. But then I had kids. And thus, came the other signs of mommyhood....although less cliché and obvious as a minivan! :) So here we go, David Letterman style!
10. Taking a bath in your bathtub requires cleaning out the abundance of bath toys first, then using the convenient Disney Junior bubble bath. That's a whole lotta' work just for the kids to knock on the door to see what you're doing, and when you'll be out. So you just skip it and take a mommy shower.
9. You know exactly what the term "mommy shower" means. That it takes you precisely 6 minutes from start to finish: Wash,
8. You try very hard not to sneeze...for obvious reasons, that only a mom would understand...
7. Sneaking a small meal or a snack means never, ever making eye contact. Unless you want to hear the words, "Can I have a bite of that?" followed by giving up your food. This also applies to sneaking all the good Halloween candy. ;)
6. Running through the parking lot while your kids are in the plastic racecar shopping cart screaming, "faster, faster" is totally normal! Or am I the only weirdo that does this??
5. You plan an extra 10 minutes in your schedule just in case someone poops right before walking out the door. That's not true. Someone always poops at the last minute and you're pretty much always late.
4. Your day requires more negotiating than a high power executive. It starts at 8:30 just trying to get your toddler in their car seat, and ends with how many more bites of dinner in order to get up from the table. Let's not even get started on bedtime....
3. Having kids turned you into a hypocrite and a liar, as you yell for them to, "stop yelling!!" and the, "I'm not going to tell you again!" I lied. I will tell you at least 2 more times.
2. Knowing that just because your kids are potty trained, doesn't mean your days of wiping butts and cleaning up pee are over. "Mom I need help wiping!" "Look, Mom I made a waterfall!" Did I mention I have boys?
1. You consider most or all of these to be true, but you wouldn't change it for anything in the world. Well, maybe the negotiating part....