When you have kids, your life quickly becomes all about them. The first person you neglect is yourself...naturally. The second person is your husband. Poor guy!! And the third is more of a group than an individual. And it happens to be your friends. It is only natural, and it goes away after the initial shock of parenthood sets in, right? Wrong! Sure, no one expects you to be a stellar friend the day you pop the kid out, or even the days after, but what about when the kid(s) are two...three perhaps? Well that's another story...
I have been blessed over the years to have made many great friends. Some have been in my life for many years, and others have come into my life just in the past couple of years. Friendships are funny that way. Your first friends are in the neighborhood, or on your CYC soccer team perhaps. Next comes grade school continuing all the way through your college years. Then you have a career and meet new friends at the office. There are also the "wives"...you know, the couples. And eventually there are the moms. Real Housewives of St. Louis??
It goes through a cycle, like most things in life, I guess. It's easy to catch up with a mommy friend at playgroup or a tee-ball game, but what about those close friends that have been there for you countless times throughout the years? Is it safe to say that we neglect the ones we love the most because we know they'll be there no matter what? Regardless of the reason, I know I have never been great at reaching out first, but it got even worse when I became a mom. Call it tiredness, call it forgetfulness, call it whatever you want. Whatever the cause, it's not the kind of friend I want to be. I'm not saying it's realistic to have an hour-long phone conversation while your kids are arguing about who gets to sit where, or pouring an entire box of Lucky Charms on the floor (true story). Not to mention the fact that the person you are talking to might think you are suffering from a bout of tourettes. It goes something like this... "Did you watch Big Broth...Get your hand out of the toilet...Aaryn is such a...Stop choking your brother..." (I can't take credit for the reference! Like all good things, it came from Pinterest!)
So, a phone call might not always be an option, but a simple text can go a really long way! You can even do it while the kids are asleep, or eating lunch. Another idea would be a hand written note in the mail. Gasp! Mail? I know it sounds silly, but a card mixed in with the bills could totally make someone's day. You're at Target at least once a week anyway, just pick up a card while you're on your way to the diaper aisle. I am the worst at all of this stuff by the way, but I cherish all of my friendships so much, that I strive and challenge myself to be better at it. Don't get me wrong, a good old fashioned girls happy hour is not only fun, but occasionally necessary. But in those moments where, let's say for instance, your hubby is traveling for the third time that month, or you already used one of your babysitters just so you could attend your board meeting. Foregoing the evening out to get together at someone's house is still getting together. And seeing your friends chasing, tickling and cuddling with your kids is an added bonus because in my opinion, it's priceless! And for goodness sake! Stop worrying about what a mess the house is! And yes, I am mainly talking to myself. First of all, your friends could care less, and second of all, if we only let people come over when the house was actually clean, we would never see anyone!
So, bottom line...being a good/busy/involved mom does not make us bad friends, it only means we just might have to make a little bit more of an effort than we did before we became moms. And if you have friends like mine, that extra effort is totally worth it!
